This is what the average use of smartphones in the modern family world looks like, right?
“There have to be solutions for families that don’t always end in arguments between parents and children,” Christian Eineder thought some time ago, remembering successful workshops with employees on sensitive topics in his working world. Why shouldn’t critical topics also be solvable within the family team in a cooperative setting? Together with his wife and their two sons, he shows that with effective strategies it’s possible to agree on a balanced level of digital media use in the family and organize it together.
Mr. Eineder, how did your project “Internet Agenda for Families” come about?
I don’t just observe this in my own family. Managing attention-grabbing digital media in moderation challenges parents. Children and teenagers simply find smartphones, tablets and the like far more exciting than homework and chores. As parents, we can of course understand that. The question every day is how everything fits together and how our children can have a balanced day. We didn’t learn this from our parents either, so we have to find our own solutions.
You developed practical strategies for your family—how did you go about it?
I realized that effective solutions that work long term are developed jointly by parents and children. Children’s ideas should definitely be included, because learning through personal experience is the strongest driver. Solutions they develop themselves drastically increase the likelihood they’ll be implemented. We chose a relaxed weekend and took plenty of time to collect the positive and negative aspects of digital media—by that we mean not only smartphones, but also internet use in general, TV and computer games—and to set specific screen-time rules for our family.
And it really works without arguments?
With a clearly structured process and a defined goal, there’s enough space and clarity for open conversations—actually without arguments. In this atmosphere, children find their way just as well as adults do.
How can other parents benefit from your experience? Do you share what you’ve been through?
Yes, that’s our philosophy. That’s why easyfaM exists: so parents can be inspired by other parents’ positive experiences without feeling like someone is interfering in their parenting. My family and I have filmed coaching videos for parents on many different hot-button topics. In them, we describe step by step the most successful strategies for dealing with recurring difficult issues in family life. Families with children aged 3 to 16 will benefit most from this.
And what about the discipline of sticking to the agreed rules? Who monitors that?
Once the first important step of agreeing on the rules together has been taken, it’s crucial how you visualize the current status. A clearly visualized overview that everyone can see at any time avoids unnecessary discussions and helps us and the children regulate ourselves—or learn to do so gradually. When it comes to breaking rules, for example, our children suggested that whoever doesn’t stick to the rules loses their remaining free weekly computer game time and isn’t allowed to play during that time. Because the children have a say in creating the rules, they also stick to them.
And the parents? So your smartphone isn’t on the dinner table?
If we want to be role models for our children, we adults also have to stick to the agreed rules. Children copy what we parents model for them—we need to clearly recognize our responsibility in that regard. During shared mealtimes, phones have no place at the table. This also shows respect for the person you’re talking to. Because it’s so important, we address the topic in several videos, for example in “Playfully improving manners” and “Future trends and their impact on our children”.
What’s your best tip from dad to dad?
Always form your own opinion about the trending tools—whether it’s video games, series, or social media channels. Keep talking with your children and then decide whether you trust them to handle it responsibly.